Living on valued energy.

If you asked me what my purpose in life was, I would almost immediately respond with some sort of action that involves love. I have always believed in love over all things. I have always sought to represent love as well. As a respectful thing; as a valuable thing. There’s a ball of energy engraved in the core of love, and I can’t help but to feel moved by its power to bring light in dark spaces.

We are living on love. It takes time to let vulnerability arrive and we seem to frequently fight that. By letting go of the attachment of what our interactions should be like, we allow ourselves to be open to love showing just how precious our lives are. 

The value of this energetic force could never have a price. The energy exchanged through human to human connections helps us to survive. We need one another.

So many things remind me of love. Evoking in me that I am living on valued energy. Energy that never dies. Energy that just flows on… 

And I am grateful, I am thankful.

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Happiness

I spend a lot of time searching for it, so I know that everyone else is trying to do the same- and that’s the part that makes me sad. I can’t help but to blame the internet, or the ‘go’ that coffee gives, or anything that seems to move faster than humans alone do. But those things aren’t happiness. Anything temporarily providing the sensation like when cool wind blows at the peak of fall, isn’t permanent happiness. That, is only one feeling alone. Happiness encompasses all– seeing the right things, hearing sounds clearly and being aware of them, intense arrival in your heart when love is there and alive, balance moving you forward gracefully, and most importantly your mind remains with no fear.  Happiness is like pulling on your lover and having them right there for you because they know that you need them.  That gesture, that feeling of alrightness, provides a level of comfort for you to take a deep inhale and exhale right where you are, knowing that everything is meant to be exactly how it is at that very moment. And that, is enough. You are full.

Don’t be so hard on yourself

It came to me as I lay in the middle of my bed this morning, thoughts racing on how I’m going to spend my day off. I closed my eyes and rolled over on my side coaching myself to get up and make the day count. ‘Don’t be so hard on yourself ‘. Don’t take this simple decision and find ways to worry. Go get yourself the cup of tea you want, then afterwards go to the bookstore and stay for however long you want; reading books you can’t afford. Write it all out today. Take yourself to dinner or buy really good groceries and make a fulfilling dish. Take a nap when you’re tired. Do yoga or go to the gym and they both count as excercise. Your bills are paid so there’s no worries. You are lucky to be here, so enjoy. You are doing your very best. Self-care can be as simple as providing yourself with the moments to be alone and breathe. Silence feeds me peace, but being labeled as an extrovert doesn’t really give me much room to say “I just really want peace and quiet alone and I’m not necessarily sad about anything”. Working hard can weigh on your psyche and can leave an unwanted mellow numbness. I don’t want to be numb, especially as a person with so much feeling. Many things are going on around us, but we have the control on what we expose ourselves to. Although negative thoughts may occur, I try to ask myself “is this useful?”. I then find myself heading back to the center of what is actually important. Taking the time to regroup and separate today, and if you are feeling the weight then you should too.

On growth & moving along in life.

I don’t have any intentions for this post, I’ve just been laying in my bed scrolling through post from my longtime favorite bloggers and began to notice a theme. At now 23, I still loathe in the ideas from the same blogs I read when I was in the eleventh grade. I admired many women who grew up in the tri-state area, their crazy nights in the city, their passion for love and their lovers. They all seemed so vibrant and anew. Now when I read their writing and where they are in life, it saddens me to see that they have gone through so much while searching for their identity through words and still are but now much older than me.  Many have gone in and out of relationships, homes, family members-everything they once loved to the highest tier. It’s something about tracking your life in these blog spaces. It gives you the chance to reflect back and see how much you’ve progressed or how much you’ve digressed. And that thought brought me right to my own center. Everything I’ve ever “lost” is simply because I had to lose it. Every tough moment developed me into a very hard working woman, and sometimes I find myself never wanting to stop working. Working on myself. Working on a goal. Working on relationships. The growth that we experience comes from our ability to take our losses as things that have to occur to reach our ultimate being.  But there’s also growth of the mind. Doing what you have to do for yourself, while not worrying about the opinions from anyone else. Allowing yourself to not let negative thoughts overpower the positive ones. Listening more and really understanding what’s going on around you.
Now, everything is aligning and my goals are making so much sense. It’s kind of exciting to see that the woman I thought I always wanted to be, I’m completely opposite from that and it’s worked out just fine. Adversity will always be, but raising yourself to a higher level moves you farther away from it. 

List.

In the mornings I find myself making list of things I am grateful for, to do list, affirmations, list to work through ideas and conflict. On this particular morning I feel the need to write out a list for me and for you, of ways to stay in the moment and to create little happy instances throughout your day. I’ve struggled with this lately, and have felt lost on so many levels because my mind hasn’t been grounded. There’s so much going on at every moment that I have to care about to contribute to society and that weighs heavy on my mind and spirit (a lot of it is also negative).

I have become the woman who wants to save the world by giving all of my strength away, leaving nothing left for myself. But that’s not okay. There is gentleness in the quiet hours that we often don’t pay attention to. In our down time we quickly grab our phones and dive into an entirely different dimension, giving our good energy away to more negative things. If we focus on what makes us feel good, those will be the things we will run to when our vibrations need to be lifted-over and over. Pay attention to what those things are and make a list of it, then practice making those things your refuge.

1. I love starting my mornings off with tea in my favorite mug. It reminds me of quiet & peace & I feel that as I drink & gather my thoughts.

2. I am a gift giver. It makes me feel good to pay attention to what others desire and for me to randomly give that to them, especially when I know it’s something I can do and it makes two people feel good.

3. Listen more. When I am listening and not speaking I find this beautiful moment of process in my mind. I notice how much patience it takes to let someone else have the floor. I also feel closer to whoever I am having a conversation with, because they are letting me in to who
they are, word by word.

4. Open your blinds in your room and allow all sunlight to rush in. Such a mood changer.

5. Always let people you love know that you also appreciate them and what for.

6. Clean the areas around you and afterwards sit in those areas with a book or with pen and paper to take in those pure areas.- lighting incense in this moment will triple perfect it.

7. Fresh fruits are so refreshing and when you eat them you’ll feel like a bucket of clean cold water.

8. I love going to the bookstore with no intentions of buying anything. The smell of new books is incredible and I learn something new every time I go.

9. Sex! Here me out, sex isn’t a thing you do when there’s nothing to do. It takes honesty, clarity, and time. Explore your own body. Get to know yourself and what comforts you. Then, bring those things back to your partner through guidance.

10. Explore music. Where’d your favorite genre first start?

11. Make yourself look nice. Whatever that is to you. When we look good we usually feel good.

12. Outside is my thing. I now know that the sun and I have a special connection through history and I love spending time with it.

13. Sometimes I delete certain apps on my phone (Instagram and Facebook). I don’t need to constantly be reminded of my struggles and I also hate to always be reminded of others struggles as well. Being on these sites is usually never good entertainment for me. So to cut the desire of pressing on these apps every five minutes, I delete it altogether until I’ve created enough space between me and those worlds.

14. Cooking at home makes me feel like a cook and I like that. Plus I feel healthier knowing what’s exactly in my food. Plant-based lifestyles are also so important! More greens than anything people.

15. Studying spirituality even though I don’t believe in a specific thing and think religion is silly. We are our own religion in a sense. We are who we go to everyday, constantly trying to make ourselves feel better. We seek encouragement at an individual level first. I love learning about the law of attraction and how what we think, we become. Negative attracts negative. Positive attracts positive.

16. Love any and everyone you encounter without judgement. I am working on the without judgement part, there’s just some crazy things going on out here.

17. Spend time with yourself. Without your phone, without people. You have to have that quality time to figure out what’s going on inside and work through that before you rub it off on the people you really care about.

the rain.

Floods stream down the cement
And I am feeling low with them
Parallel to drifting away
But not knowing where to
You can have everything you need
But still want more
You could make more money
But still feel like you need more
You could feel relief from
Great accomplishments, yet still feel like you’ve done nothing
What’s it all for?
Is it all for something?
The good gives the good
And that still may not be good enough
We’re like stars, we just are
And there may or may not be anything to that
Give me my innocence back
Because I remember envisioning what it would be like
In a couple of years
And all I’ve collected is a pile of fears
Are the streams bringing themselves down too? Or is it the weight of the world?

Floods stream down the cement
And it keeps moving
It keeps going, floating
And as days pass it all goes away
A change in the weather
Brings new seasons to a new day
to start over again
The rain is only the beginning
Never the end.

still love.

just a little message here. if you are finding yourself taking steps back from those you are constantly trying to love, because giving it feels like lumps making home on your throat; keep being you. the best self control is not allowing someone to shake your happiness and eagerness to share that with other people. the company that misery needs is one like what an infant requires from its mother. but you do not have to be the care-giver, the hand-holder, the only provider. when you love you should naturally feel that in return. and if you don’t, find areas or humans that will represent that for you. in the meantime, still love.