the rain.

Floods stream down the cement
And I am feeling low with them
Parallel to drifting away
But not knowing where to
You can have everything you need
But still want more
You could make more money
But still feel like you need more
You could feel relief from
Great accomplishments, yet still feel like you’ve done nothing
What’s it all for?
Is it all for something?
The good gives the good
And that still may not be good enough
We’re like stars, we just are
And there may or may not be anything to that
Give me my innocence back
Because I remember envisioning what it would be like
In a couple of years
And all I’ve collected is a pile of fears
Are the streams bringing themselves down too? Or is it the weight of the world?

Floods stream down the cement
And it keeps moving
It keeps going, floating
And as days pass it all goes away
A change in the weather
Brings new seasons to a new day
to start over again
The rain is only the beginning
Never the end.

Advertisements

driving past blue lights.

What all the world is seeking

Is a hall pass to hate

Their history still reflecting on our skin

Our sins that were already placed on our 

paths

Their men make it harder for ours and then 

blame it on God.

Afraid of the blue lights

That are warranted here

To protect and to fight

Why does driving pass them

Not feel right?

Why do minds curate plans

To make sure it’ll be alright 

Why don’t we feel rescued?

How could you have fantasies 

Of edging your hands against my curves

While never considering

How I got here first?

By the same type of man

That you don’t want to have command

So you break down the walls of him feeling 

like a man

Doing all he can to provide for his family

Where’s the apathy?

Morning realization.

There are five freckles that 

Align your back

You have no choice but to love me back

I know you better than the kids from

Third grade

They saw you weird and shameless

Their minds were clear

Before teenage hormones caused health

To decline, unwinding into miserable 

beings

Realizing no one knows what it all means

But gravity and matter or whatever it is

Places people in perfect spaces 

To see inside of other people

And we should be thankful for that

We should be kneeling on our knees

Meditate on all the ways this could be 

fucked up

But it’s still so beautiful

Don’t ever lend my love 

Don’t ever give this up.

Driving & writing.

How does happiness find its way to
A boy who was already born sad?
I’ve convinced myself that the world isn’t what we think we know
And you have too
Dry your eyes
For I’m right here with you
Driving home in the late night
As the moon shines like the sunlight
I reach out to you in my mind
Encouragement never comes easy
To the boy who turned into a man
And is doing all he can
To survive loneliness while amongst man
How does he live?
Giving all that he can give to an unforgiving world
While in love with a girl
Who finds truth embedded in his curls
But heartache at the surface
It’s hard to endure love
When lacking the purpose
So the tears on her face
Are from the prayers she prays to a place
She’s not sure exists
To a form that never answered her
To a man that promised bliss
Just for you to feel a sense of peace
Oh where’s god when you need him?
How does change lead to freedom?
Free him
From the worldly things
From the things that don’t mean a thing
And only show him love…
Only show him love.

July 6, 2017

if ever you wondered
i got drunk without you
i got drunk
i got mad
and woke up missing you
that is
if ever you wondered…

whenever i’m under the influence
it never feels the same
not like it does with you
not true
not honest
not because i’m reminiscing on
getting high with you
then wanting it
then wanting you
yeah, those kind of highs aren’t true…

i don’t think they ever remember you telling them
you love them, and you meaning it
i don’t think they ever remember you
forgiving and forgiving and forgiving
more forgiving
because you’ll want them to forgive you too
you don’t remember me giving time
that i didn’t have
you first, me last
i don’t think they remember you
fucking their brains out
on the floor
always wanting more…

i never answered the others messages
the ones that read
‘wish you could’ve been with me’
i know better
replacing emptiness with savageness
i’m far from there
my mind knows better
and my heart does too…

i am chasing a drifting boat
one without an anchor
one without hope…

No fear

no fear
there’s no fear left here
i am tired but i am happy
i am growing
knowing of a lot
but I know nothing.

I’m convinced that the happier you are
the happier everyone you love will be
I’m convinced that there’s power
in our souls
to move the world with the matter
we are created with
inside of us.

What a relief
to live with no fear
’cause everything you have
ever asked the skies for
has accumulated
in your atmosphere.

What a relief
to be a woman
that knows
but knows nothing
but can separate the differences
between
expectation,
obsession,
and focus on
blessings
lessons
and forget about the unknown.

What a relief
to have love
in my hands
What a dance
it has been!
without seeking
without fearing
without pushing it away.

No fear
I stopped fearing here
I stopped giving in
I stopped feeling
unnecessary pain.

No shame
no more
playing the blame game
for not having it all
because of being
too scared to fall.

No fear
I’m glad you’re no longer
here.

Good Religion

Good religion
spilling your soul to the people you love
without thought
on whether you should or not
with Good religion
love becomes spirituality
and love is all that’s needed.

Good religion
requires focusing on yourself
before distributing half of you
to someone else
You must remain whole
like our world,
in our universe,
in a space unknown.

Good religion is saying
‘I love you’
because I know that
I love me too
Loving me enough
filling me up
so that no one has to do it for me
but your company is pleasurable,
non-measurable,
and so I’m glad that you’re here.

Good religion
is knowing that self-love
isn’t a destination,
but a journey
to draw the people around you
closer.

There’s power in a practice
that teaches you not to practice
and just be good
because you should.