In a world that influences selfishness, more than selflessness; it is easy to take people for granted. I’ve done this, and you’ve done it too. Luckily, I found myself doing this when I was much younger, so now I’m able to recognize the importance of valuing the people that are here around me and for me. That is, being here purely without expectations of receiving something in return, understanding that we individually have a set amount of time that should be appreciated when shared, and realizing that in seconds it could all be over.
We’re told to keep trying with people, because we are all humans with many mistakes made. Here’s where I’ve always allowed people to take me for granted. Here’s also where I’ve taken people for granted. I have never known when to stop giving. I’ve noticed a pattern of pushing limits. It’s interesting to see how long you can get away with doing the minimum before someone calls you out on your shit. And sometimes, they never call you out and you know this. But I’ve learned that I never want it that way. If it is hard to appreciate me when I’m doing so much for the people that I love, then maybe something should be eliminated from the equation?
But who are we kidding? Eliminating something from the equation doesn’t pair well with loving people. Our perception of love is a parallel idea with the term unconditional. When you decline to separate yourself from the idea of how this goes, you’ll never experience a situation where you’re valued. People will use you to try and fix things about themselves, and it has nothing to do with loving you. But there you are, pushing through and accepting things from people that you know you aren’t comfortable with because “there should be no conditions”. There you are, questioning your character over and over.
I think that people think that gratitude can only be shown through gifts or giving in to what another person wants fulfilled. The best moments to see are the ones where someone admits their lack of appreciation, and backs away because they know they won’t allow themselves to be a better person for you. I always think that if that person could just be a better person for themselves, then it would fix so much about their interactions with people long term.
Being gracious can often be as good as saying “thank you” or “I appreciate you”. However, these phrases can sometimes become robotic and rehearsed, just because it sounds good. I struggle with holding people accountable. At some point you will feel like you deserve more, or as if something is missing. That is your intuition letting you know that you’re not okay with being taken for granted. You can either push it away and accept it as routine, or you can free yourself from a situation that’s held your enthusiasm for given your all captive. Sometimes you will also find that people will try and make you sound crazy or needy; probably because the receiver is comfortable and satisfied. The relationships that we form everyday with people should always be a mutual give and take. A person that is taking you for granted is taking and taking. The logical conclusion here is to stop being the giver. Then, they’ll have nothing else to take.
As a giver, I’m aware that it’s easy to manipulate me into these kinds of situations. However, I’ve accepted my strength in giving, and I’ve chosen not to change that about myself. I notice everything that is going on around me, so I never feel like I’m being fooled. I know when I’m being treated good or when something seems unfair. I have found comfort in putting my good energy into the things that will flow good energy right back to me.
When we aren’t careful, the people we hold on to become such a huge part of us. It’s then difficult to think that they’re taking you for granted when you’ve always seen them as a reflection of who you are. If you know yourself, as a giver, then you’re aware that you could never drain someone in that way.
Sometimes, the people that love you may not be aware that they’re taking you for granted or that you feel unappreciated. You have to hold people accountable for their actions so that they’re able to do better. In the moments when they still don’t understand the issue, then maybe you should reevaluate what’s important to you and if you can compromise or not. Just remember that you’re not wrong if you decide that a friendship or relationship doesn’t work for you anymore.
Remember to say I love you, I appreciate you, and I’m grateful for you to those that would stand shoulder to shoulder with you on your best and worst days.