3 days before…

The silence in the early morning is a beautiful tease

The universal time clock woke me up

Sleep, decided I had had enough

I am feeling refreshed in this moment

And my mind, not much on it

Last night I spent an hour in Walmart

Just being among people

Just looking at things

Just figuring out the Christmas meaning

It never meant Jesus for me

It was always about the gifts

Because gifts uplift

They show appreciation

They’re a symbol of love

So we pick and choose

The naughty or nice

To the coworkers who saw you cry twice

And never said a word

You’ll pick gifts for them first

Because that’s what’s deserved

And then there’s the gift of time

To embrace those you haven’t

Seen in a while

That’s joy to me

That’s life

Joining us all together as vibrations

Are high

And the laughter that comes after

You’re full from excess treats

Nothing beats

Those short-lived moments

And I miss my mother this time of year

Wishing she were home

Yet another Christmas I have to figure out alone

But that’s just it

People are magically figuring it out for me

People are giving me that gift of time

At least I’m a thought in so many peoples minds

I’ve strayed a bit

But this year

My heart is confidently in it

So let’s celebrate!

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Water

In the shower

For an hour

Watch my flower bloom

Washing the day away

Nothing to do

Til tomorrows noon

This time nourishes my toes

This time nourishes my soul

Soothe the day away

In my quiet place

Or noisy space

Just me & my thoughts

While the waters hot

Self care,I’m aware

This is how I take care of you

By taking caring of me too

The purest water taking away my insanity

Reminding me

Of yet another day to reflect on

Thankful! Same old song

Romance

There are corners

I take refuge in my mind

Corners of darkness pushed away

Love awaits, last all day

Sweet romance has come to play

You danced with me

In my dreams

Last night

I held so tight

To the softness of your skin

Take care of you if I could

Bathe you in warm baths

that smell of

summer days near fruit trees

Romance is ripe

Simple and ready

Like a song playing over and over

Like a tingle in the heart

Slow and steady

Sex with sensations

That overpower you

And afterwards

Kisses so long ‘cause

We’re not ready to be through

I’ll never stop wanting

To make love to you

Romance of the eyes

Can stare so long

At this beautiful surprise

As we are.

We spend plenty of time thinking that we are perfectly putting ourselves together in our minds. That if we hide away enough, no one will ever reach who we really are. That is all disproven when life brings you to people who will joust out the best and worst parts of you and yet they are all still true to the pieces of matter that put you as whole. It is also disproven when the same people opening you up are also the ones that accept you as you are. Those people are parts of perfection itself, keeping you when you needed to be kept and finding you when you needed to be found. But as we are…as humans, it’s important to remember that the human next to you is the same. To know that is to free your mind and commit your thoughts to loving who you are, so others will understand exactly how you’re needed to be loved. Just as we are, just as a human.

Clarity.

I just needed to talk

So I’m glad you were here to listen

Seeing things clearer by the minute

My world, you’re in it

But I don’t take that for granted

I am you and you are me

All connected in this entity

All so intimate

Closer than we think

It’s easy to forget the details

And the eyes are blurry to the obvious

All of us are wanting the same things

The in betweens

On the search for meaning

But we are wanting the warmth

From other human beings

The approval to go on

Fearful of being alone

But when I look at myself

I am so much closer to you

So much closer to you.

Winter feels

While on the phone with my sister the other night she said one thing that has been ringing in my mind for a few days. “You know how winter and the holidays always make you feel.”

She’s talking about the winter feels. The time of year when you’re either overjoyed with cheer or overwhelmed by it. This year, I am neither. But I do feel anxious. I’m looking forward to so many things that it feels unreal and out of my grasp.

As I continue to reflect on this year this month, I am also trying my best to stay in this moment and enjoy the happiness all around. I’m also trying to get back to worthiness. There was a time when I would wake up and tell myself how lucky we all are to be here. However, that’s easy to say when you’re right where you want to be. But it’s true! I am deserving of life and its gifts, and that alone should feed my soul.

Maybe it’s the cold chills rolling in, or the angst in impatient shoppers that make me experience the annoyance in the air. Maybe my hormones hit its height this time around and that’s why I remain year after year emotional during this season. Or maybe I’m just mentally tricking myself into thinking that this is how it will always feel for me. I do miss the summertime though. I miss the sun and short shorts and crop-tops with no cardigans over it.

But this is how it goes, seasons come and go. I don’t only want to make the best of it, but to also find enjoyment in the little things. These winter feels won’t last long.