Morning realization.

There are five freckles that 

Align your back

You have no choice but to love me back

I know you better than the kids from

Third grade

They saw you weird and shameless

Their minds were clear

Before teenage hormones caused health

To decline, unwinding into miserable 

beings

Realizing no one knows what it all means

But gravity and matter or whatever it is

Places people in perfect spaces 

To see inside of other people

And we should be thankful for that

We should be kneeling on our knees

Meditate on all the ways this could be 

fucked up

But it’s still so beautiful

Don’t ever lend my love 

Don’t ever give this up.

Driving & writing.

How does happiness find its way to
A boy who was already born sad?
I’ve convinced myself that the world isn’t what we think we know
And you have too
Dry your eyes
For I’m right here with you
Driving home in the late night
As the moon shines like the sunlight
I reach out to you in my mind
Encouragement never comes easy
To the boy who turned into a man
And is doing all he can
To survive loneliness while amongst man
How does he live?
Giving all that he can give to an unforgiving world
While in love with a girl
Who finds truth embedded in his curls
But heartache at the surface
It’s hard to endure love
When lacking the purpose
So the tears on her face
Are from the prayers she prays to a place
She’s not sure exists
To a form that never answered her
To a man that promised bliss
Just for you to feel a sense of peace
Oh where’s god when you need him?
How does change lead to freedom?
Free him
From the worldly things
From the things that don’t mean a thing
And only show him love…
Only show him love.

Abuse

I’ve known abuse as visible scars
grip so tight it leaves his
fingerprints on your arms
screams that children don’t understand
will forever have dreams of a man
being vicious because he can
no one ever stops him
But there’s abuse in words
that you wouldn’t believe
So baby girl, don’t be naive
There’s symbols to recognize
pay attention to the way he treats his mother
the way he loves her
will be the way that he loves you
if he calls his mother a bitch
then he’ll probably call you one too
they tell you love is hard
disguise all the guys that treat you bad
into victims
and you must save him
’cause he’s never received love
like you’re willing to give
he’s never known what it’s like to live
Save him they say
change him they say
he’ll come around one day

Self-abuse
your unwillingness to leave
believe in self-worth that pours
the kind that stimulates a room
that moves when you move
and opens glassed doors
No one will ever disrespect
nor neglect someone
who accepts
their own.

July 6, 2017

if ever you wondered
i got drunk without you
i got drunk
i got mad
and woke up missing you
that is
if ever you wondered…

whenever i’m under the influence
it never feels the same
not like it does with you
not true
not honest
not because i’m reminiscing on
getting high with you
then wanting it
then wanting you
yeah, those kind of highs aren’t true…

i don’t think they ever remember you telling them
you love them, and you meaning it
i don’t think they ever remember you
forgiving and forgiving and forgiving
more forgiving
because you’ll want them to forgive you too
you don’t remember me giving time
that i didn’t have
you first, me last
i don’t think they remember you
fucking their brains out
on the floor
always wanting more…

i never answered the others messages
the ones that read
‘wish you could’ve been with me’
i know better
replacing emptiness with savageness
i’m far from there
my mind knows better
and my heart does too…

i am chasing a drifting boat
one without an anchor
one without hope…

23.

I’m not like the other girls

I know that now

I know that weight fluctuates 

Depending on your health

And not because you’re getting older

I know to become bolder

About taking charge of the problem at large

I know

That as I grow, I grow more beautiful 

And I see it when I’m meditating in the mirror

Looking right at myself, I know the girl I’m staring at

And as a matter of fact, she knows me too

So you don’t have to tell me.

I know that if I’m not talking about love, then I’m not being me, then I’m not

feeling peace

I’ve got things to figure out

I know how to separate the ideas that people have of me, from the things I’m

really about

I know lies could hurt the sweetest soul

And taint a beautiful sky

I know why

Because I know just the power we have

To turn rainbows into bumpy roads

I know

I know who I love and I know who loves me

And I’m so lucky.

I know that sex 

Is the best

With the one that you love

And none of that has to do

With religion

Or the decision 

To give it to someone

You don’t have a title with.

I know that suffering is in the world, but we don’t have to suffer

I now know that hard times aren’t things we have to experience 

So in remembrance of fear

May you Rest In Peace.

I know that goals come from dreams

And those achieved goals

Become my reality

Become everything I wanted

Until I begin to want more

So I practice 

Thinking of what I have

In the moment

In gratefulness

In wholeness.

I know that life is about change

And you should never want things

To remain the same

I know that turning a new year

Makes you wonder how you’ve been here

For so long

And with many years to come

Why?

The why is what we all want to know

Creating your own ‘why’

Just for show

I know

This life

Alright, all right.

No fear

no fear
there’s no fear left here
i am tired but i am happy
i am growing
knowing of a lot
but I know nothing.

I’m convinced that the happier you are
the happier everyone you love will be
I’m convinced that there’s power
in our souls
to move the world with the matter
we are created with
inside of us.

What a relief
to live with no fear
’cause everything you have
ever asked the skies for
has accumulated
in your atmosphere.

What a relief
to be a woman
that knows
but knows nothing
but can separate the differences
between
expectation,
obsession,
and focus on
blessings
lessons
and forget about the unknown.

What a relief
to have love
in my hands
What a dance
it has been!
without seeking
without fearing
without pushing it away.

No fear
I stopped fearing here
I stopped giving in
I stopped feeling
unnecessary pain.

No shame
no more
playing the blame game
for not having it all
because of being
too scared to fall.

No fear
I’m glad you’re no longer
here.

Good Religion

Good religion
spilling your soul to the people you love
without thought
on whether you should or not
with Good religion
love becomes spirituality
and love is all that’s needed.

Good religion
requires focusing on yourself
before distributing half of you
to someone else
You must remain whole
like our world,
in our universe,
in a space unknown.

Good religion is saying
‘I love you’
because I know that
I love me too
Loving me enough
filling me up
so that no one has to do it for me
but your company is pleasurable,
non-measurable,
and so I’m glad that you’re here.

Good religion
is knowing that self-love
isn’t a destination,
but a journey
to draw the people around you
closer.

There’s power in a practice
that teaches you not to practice
and just be good
because you should.