Just a couple of months ago I found myself amidst a conversation in the middle of the night about personalities, the groups of people we’re around in different settings, and what constitutes as not being truthful to who you are with everyone and everything you encounter. I couldn’t understand how that wasn’t being fake; that I may share that I love R&B 90s music with one group of people, but tell another group that I’m really into every John Mayer song that comes out. Although these two are clearly different spectrum’s of sound, depending on the people I’m around it could possibly help relate and engage with them better. As I write I still feel uneasy by this and I’m trying to understand what’s wrong with sharing both and making people accept me for what I like and who I am?
The opposed side mentioned that it’s not being fake and that it aids in a better social encounter. He even added that we have many different personalities, but they all are a part of who we are as a whole. We get to choose what we share with people, and not everything should be shared. I sat and wondered if that was because of fear of being judged from what people will say. I also scanned my own life, searching for things that I may not share with everyone and why? As a writer and as a very open person, I share it all; but that too, is a part of my personality. I suppressed my thoughts in journals, in the home I grew up in, and to make friends for so long that I can’t help but give it all to people and not care.
However, I did find one thing that I keep to myself and don’t often share and that’s the relationships that are so important to me. I hold them close because I always feel that if I share too much then I may lose it. So, I prefer to have control over that, and it seems to work for me despite the judgement that I receive from it.
Still, I knew that there had to be more to this. More than fear of judgment. I couldn’t help but think about personalities and how many are we allotted in this lifetime?
A few days later, while reading a book written by the buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hahn, I stumbled across a parable that talked about a man who utilized his ability to appear in the appropriate form for each situation. He had such an understanding that our bodies and who we are aren’t fixed into something so permanent. He wasn’t caught up in what he was suppose to be at each moment; therefore, he was able to help many living beings with the example for humans to take many forms over time.
How weird is it that right after this conversation I read about this? And this has been the only thing I have referred back to when thinking about this conversation.
We’ll never have personalities that are one thing; so finalized that we’re stuck with it and we should all be happy for that. Three years ago I was a christian girl who did everything wrong, but had no shame because God didn’t mind. I would lay my head on my pillow every night and repent; just to do the same awful things the next day. Now, I’m full of love with less people around me, but you can never call me dishonest. I’d hate for someone to associate me with who I use to be. Our personalities are the decisions we make. We choose for ourselves! It’s easy to blame it on our situations. However, we have the power to change our personalities to help the environment around us in positive ways, and if that means utilizing what we know to relate to people then why not make a difference?
Sometimes, it’s okay to put aside what you think you know and start again. Be whoever you’d like as long as it’s honest and true to yourself.