Morning realization.

There are five freckles that 

Align your back

You have no choice but to love me back

I know you better than the kids from

Third grade

They saw you weird and shameless

Their minds were clear

Before teenage hormones caused health

To decline, unwinding into miserable 

beings

Realizing no one knows what it all means

But gravity and matter or whatever it is

Places people in perfect spaces 

To see inside of other people

And we should be thankful for that

We should be kneeling on our knees

Meditate on all the ways this could be 

fucked up

But it’s still so beautiful

Don’t ever lend my love 

Don’t ever give this up.

August Rant.

it’s fucked up watching people need all of these things. stop what you are doing right now and assess your belongings. ask yourself, “how many times do i use this throughout my daily routines?”

if you aren’t regularly needing it, let’s all take a break so that you can rid of it. i’ve always found that things have only kept me wanting more things. i would go to work just to make a paycheck that I inevitably gave all back to the company that was paying me. within hours of my direct deposit hitting my account, three little digits turned into two. there i sat, worrying about how i was going to eat properly for the next two weeks.

there’s balance in buying the things that you want. especially when you work hard to obtain those things. i splurge on journals, incense, good clean food, and occasionally beauty products. therefore, you don’t see me driving a brand new car, spending money on parties & drinks, nor on repeated items that are already in my closet. these are things i can currently do without and do not serve me at the moment. 

i think people let things comfort them. how many conversations can you have to your peers about the latest kitchen gadget you’ve acquired that you’re not using? it’s weird to me.

i guess this gets to me more after visiting a city where people are daily begging for a meal from other human beings. we walk pass these people with our “things” and forget to stop and think that that could be us too. someday. some way. 

beggars. people that are helpless, helping less. we are the same as them, begging for more things while lacking contribution to our own well being and the communities around us. we’ve all got to analyze our things.

Driving & writing.

How does happiness find its way to
A boy who was already born sad?
I’ve convinced myself that the world isn’t what we think we know
And you have too
Dry your eyes
For I’m right here with you
Driving home in the late night
As the moon shines like the sunlight
I reach out to you in my mind
Encouragement never comes easy
To the boy who turned into a man
And is doing all he can
To survive loneliness while amongst man
How does he live?
Giving all that he can give to an unforgiving world
While in love with a girl
Who finds truth embedded in his curls
But heartache at the surface
It’s hard to endure love
When lacking the purpose
So the tears on her face
Are from the prayers she prays to a place
She’s not sure exists
To a form that never answered her
To a man that promised bliss
Just for you to feel a sense of peace
Oh where’s god when you need him?
How does change lead to freedom?
Free him
From the worldly things
From the things that don’t mean a thing
And only show him love…
Only show him love.

12:33 a.m.

sometimes I can be a magnet for people who need saving. i’ve known this for some time now. i’ve also known that a part of the reason why i exist is to heal people, even though that responsibility is heavy. i’ve been through some shitty things, but i know how to handle the same shitty things on my own. i know where you can find a genuine smile on a bad day. i’m the one who turns lemons into lemonade and there are people who love turning up the pitcher just to try and find the secret. what makes me laugh is knowing it’s no secret to me. we all have the power. but we also all need each other. sometimes i want to back away from people who have come to drain me of my energy, but i know that there’s no control over wanting to give. i wish there were more people for me to run to. people that could add to me. but then i realize that confiding in people won’t solve my problems, and it won’t solve yours either. people aren’t ours to save, but we can lend support. we can offer love. we can initiate ideas that might get us to happiness. but there’s no fixing one another. we are only the change that we choose to be.

Peace.

I rush through my days like I’m racing with time or life and I watch others around me do the same. Recently, I started waking up in the mornings, green tea & my journal in hand and my bathrobe draped over my body. In my comfort, I write down all of the things I am grateful for. I’ve been searching for appreciation for the things that I do have, while reflecting on the things that I want. Obtainable wealth. Continued honest love. A fulfilling job. Adventure. More time. These are just a few things that I foresee, things that I am willing to work for.

Gratefulness helps me to not gain obsession over the future. I like the ten minutes in the morning with the things that already add so well to my life. It’s easy to forget that I have a place to sleep at night, I have choices in the clothing I wear each day, and most importantly I have peace.

It took me a while to get here. I remember dreading going to sleep at night due to 2 a.m. thoughts stuffing me into an intense submerged place. I would know what I want and concentrate on how to get it instead of believing that I don’t know how but anything is obtainable. Even simply wanting to have a good day.

I owe my good days to my acknowledgement of how lucky we are to be here. I know sometimes the things that go on in the world can offset worthiness. Although moved, these things don’t blur my vision to be a part of the better world. I am at peace in my heart with knowing that the universe is looking out for me. I have peace in knowing love and having it from very abundant places. I am happy that peace has found me.

Wholeheartedly.

No fear

no fear
there’s no fear left here
i am tired but i am happy
i am growing
knowing of a lot
but I know nothing.

I’m convinced that the happier you are
the happier everyone you love will be
I’m convinced that there’s power
in our souls
to move the world with the matter
we are created with
inside of us.

What a relief
to live with no fear
’cause everything you have
ever asked the skies for
has accumulated
in your atmosphere.

What a relief
to be a woman
that knows
but knows nothing
but can separate the differences
between
expectation,
obsession,
and focus on
blessings
lessons
and forget about the unknown.

What a relief
to have love
in my hands
What a dance
it has been!
without seeking
without fearing
without pushing it away.

No fear
I stopped fearing here
I stopped giving in
I stopped feeling
unnecessary pain.

No shame
no more
playing the blame game
for not having it all
because of being
too scared to fall.

No fear
I’m glad you’re no longer
here.

Good Religion

Good religion
spilling your soul to the people you love
without thought
on whether you should or not
with Good religion
love becomes spirituality
and love is all that’s needed.

Good religion
requires focusing on yourself
before distributing half of you
to someone else
You must remain whole
like our world,
in our universe,
in a space unknown.

Good religion is saying
‘I love you’
because I know that
I love me too
Loving me enough
filling me up
so that no one has to do it for me
but your company is pleasurable,
non-measurable,
and so I’m glad that you’re here.

Good religion
is knowing that self-love
isn’t a destination,
but a journey
to draw the people around you
closer.

There’s power in a practice
that teaches you not to practice
and just be good
because you should.